There were many times I had to stop and question my behaviors. Many times I acted irrationally but could not get my finger on my deep rooted issue. The truth is, suppressing hurts intensifies personal demons. I know from personal experience, concealing forms of misconduct was an obstacle to my future. Many years, I carried the weight of an issue from my past that was never meant to be kept a secret. I was at a low point in my life, I faced a lack of self esteem and little discernment. I had limited knowledge on how to cope with unmet needs. I threw fits, sought out attention in every way I knew how. I searched for validation in my peers. I had this poor image of who I was suppose to be. I had no clue who the person was that I looked at in the mirror. It didn't hit me that I needed to confide in someone until I got to my breaking point. I wanted to change I just didn't know how.
I was tired of putting myself in positions that ended with poor results, I found a solution that changed my life for the better. It was time to dig below the surface and find the root. When I opened up my life to God every scare that was hidden began to unravel. God took me back to where my pain started. It's a scary thing when all your flaws, insecurities, and past hurts surface to the point you can no longer conceal. One of the hardest parts about learning how to be authentic and transparent is exposing misconduct, this part is essential in finding healing.
We all have our personal struggles, deep wounded pain, brokenness, etc but how we cope with these scares is significant. The process of healing is never easy, many times it gets worse before it gets better. There is a positive side to this, you made it this far, things can only get better from here. My advice, keep hanging on, the hardest part is over. There is a stronger version of you than you think, keep going, your story is not over yet.
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