Home is one of the places I am learning how to be transparent. I remember struggling to express my authentic self with my parents. I wanted them to know the real Jasmine, flaws and all. Not the quintessential version. The only problem was my uncertainty of producing this change. Fear is ugly, and it comes in many different forms. For quite some time I struggled to believe I was worthy of receiving my parents approval. Far too many years I believed in this lie, this led to me putting up a false persona around my parents. I pretended to have everything under control. This required a significant amount of energy, stressful energy. Can you imagine pretending to be somebody your not? Many of us do that to receive a sense of validation from others. Similar to many individuals, I sought to make my parents proud. Internally I begged for their approval and I externalized it by flaunting. I needed guidance on how to break this cycle. The only one who able to help me fix this matter was..God..
I will inform you, God grants the desires of our hearts, He would not place them there without an intention to fulfill them. I had this igniting desire to share my testimony with my parents. For months I tried to ignore it because I knew the process of sharing my truth would be painful and inexplicably uncomfortable. I was also aware that the end result would lead to a new level of restoration. I had to willingly share my disappointments, mistakes, and fears in an attempt to find redemption, that is exactly what I found. I experienced new levels of grace. I laid aside every past hurt, pain, and fear that were detriments to my future. Never in a million years did I think I could have the courage within me to share the experiences that shaped me with my parents. This is how I know God is always working behind the scenes.
The time to share my story was appropriate because I was finishing up with school and transitioning to moving back home with my parents. I knew I was not willing to drain myself daily pretending to be this person that I'm not. So, I wasted no time in sharing my story, I let it all out. The process was uncomfortable, but like Sarah Jakes Roberts said "Embrace the uncomfortable to become unstoppable" I made the decision to no longer settle for safe, I was sick and tired of playing everything on the safe side. It was time to take risks. I knew God was on my side. If God is for me then WHO can be against me? I knew this was my chance to embrace the version of me I knew wanted to be unstoppable.
Dear God: Thankyou for granting me the courage to share my deepest troubles with my parents. Thankyou for carrying me through this journey with you and allowing me to experience your divine intervention. I give you all the glory.
Sincerely,
Embracing.
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