When I transitioned from homeschool to public school it was an unanticipated change. I had to learn to adapt to a completely different environment than the one I was familiar with. For the first time in my life I was surrounded by students of all different backgrounds. From what I observed, everyone was trying to impress their peers. We all have different ways of coping with unmet needs. I witnessed students heavily externalize their unmet needs through smoking, drinking, partying etc. At the time, I was unaware that these were the very things my parents tried to protect me from. My fifteen year old logic didn't comprehend that. I felt I was missing out on all the misfits kids casually spoke about. I repeatedly heard how "cool" it was to fit in, or perform in manners that abstain from being a "straight edge." I thought because I didn't engage in these activities I was different, in the worst way. I had this pressing urge to cave in to peer pressure because it looked entertaining from the outside. What I didn't know is that these students were crying out for help on the inside. The same students that bragged about their misconduct were the same ones who suffered from feelings of inadequacy.
The way my house was set up there was no way in a million years I could conform to this behavior and get away with it. I knew if I did.. it would be the day I regret it. My parents were stern and wanted the very best for all their kids but they would never under any circumstance entertain any behavior less than acceptable under their roof. Regardless, I still had that feeling I was "missing out."
One thing I denied for far too long was the repercussions that come with rebellion. It was not until I went off to college where it was clarified that flirting with rebellion leads to nothing less than pain... a long drawn out road of unnecessary baggage. My advice.. listen to words of wisdom, take heed to instruction. Had I taken the words of the wise serious, I would have never ended up suffering repercussions from a rebellious soul.
Dear God: Thankyou for the process, if it wasn't for the process I would not be able to make progress. Thankyou for being so patient with me as I grasp the information you reveal to me through your comforting words.
Sincerely,
Progression
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