I think going away to college was one of my biggest blessings in disguise. I remember when my parents dropped me off at Eastern University almost four years ago, I was not a happy camper. I was so cranky and unenthused about this new journey. I was stuck in the thought process of thinking things would be better if I continued my education closer to home. I didn't know at the time this was the place I needed to be to strengthen my faith, to do things out of my comfort zone, and get to know the real Jasmine. The reason I was so opposed to going away to college is because it was out of my comfort zone, I become fully aware that I was about to walk into the unknown. I knew in that moment I was completely out of control and I accepted my fate.
My first day was the toughest, only because I was my biggest enemy. I convinced myself going away to college was one of the worst decisions I made. I was cold and stand-offish to everyone around me. The truth is, I was afraid of making friends because of a fear of someone disappointing me, I thought putting guards up would protect me but it ultimately led to me getting hurt in the long run. I was so afraid of letting anyone come into my life, I wanted to do everything alone, I didn't want help from anyone. Pride consumed me.
It took a majority of my time at Eastern to realize how much I needed a healthy community. I had a distorted view of myself and others. I allowed myself to be led by fear and low self worth. My self image was damaged because of a previous toxic relationship that should have never started. All the red flags were there but I blissfully ignored them. Its crazy how I got involved in sticky situations then had the audacity to feel astonished when things rapidly went south. Why is it that when we have all the signs to get out of a circumstance we choose to take the same route Eve did in the garden? hmm.
The reason I say my downfalls turned to blessings because going away to college happened to be one of the many reasons my faith was restored, I am now learning to let God take control over my life, my stumbling in relationships led to me knowing my worth and where my identity is found. I no longer hide when an issue occurs, I can tackle it head on because if God is for me then WHO can be against me?
Stay Blessed!
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